This blog will stir up many passionate opinions, but as the U.K.Chancellor unveiled his plan to increase free child care for babies of nine months and upwards,allowing more parents to return to work sooner, I couldn`t help doing a little bit of thinking.
Undoubtedly the overall increase will be welcomed, but there may be a dilemma for some as to how young it can start.
There is no right or a wrong way for parents to choose how they want child care delivered, but this plan highlights the pressure they might feel to consider an option which might not be the preferred fit for them or their long awaited baby, in order to satisfy being part of the work force.
Why do we have children? Is it to complete a family, create a unique being between two people, continue a family line or fulfill a natural urge to nurture a child and continue the human race?
If we look at the natural world, what do we see?
There are many variations on the actual creation of different types of wild life, and also variations on how the young are cared for.
They reproduce to secure the continuation of their particular species.
Parenting is largely a maternal role, but can often be paternal or shared.
Nests and birthing areas are prepared meticulously, to be safe sheltered places where the new life can be fed, protected and looked after.
This seems to be a universal endeavor.
Danger lurks everywhere, such as predators of all sorts, weather and unseen threats.
Throughout it all, the parent or parents nurture and look after the young to the best of their abilities.
When the babies reach a certain stage, they are disciplined and taught by their parents how to survive and progress in a dangerous world. There are many false starts and some losses, but bit by bit the babies learn and progress to eventual independence.
It is a school of hard knocks, as there are no in betweens. If the young cannot master the rules they will not survive.
They have to perfect many skills and have to be constantly vigilant and be able to adapt to changes often forced upon them.
In human terms, the cycle is brief but intense, and really quite remarkable, as this normally happens within a year, with the young usually reaching maturity within that time frame.The routine then passes on to the following year and the next generation and will continue as long as circumstances allow.
Now to look at human babies and young children.
Traditionally, and still in many countries, a similar model is used for childcare.
The baby is looked after, mainly by its mother, and receives food, warmth, love and security from her. Gradually the child learns to become independent, and is taught through discipline, survival and social skills, together with other values and expected norms.
There are of course many variations, and as society changes, parenting has had to reinvent itself.
Traditionally, women stayed at home to run the household and look after children which they did throughout the stages of the child`s life.
Until 1976, maternity leave didn`t exist in the U.K. and paternal input was limited.
As women returned to the workplace, child care needs had to be addressed, but in reality, the nursery system has taken years to establish properly, and compared to other countries, the U.K.s expensive child care impacted on how mothers could consider returning to the work place.
Family units have also changed.
There are many family break ups which have resulted in alternative parenting solutions having to be found.
Single parenthood and blended families have increased over the years, and same sex couples can now be parents.
There are also examples of others rather than parents looking after children.
Historically, aristocrats viewed child care from a distance and employed nannies and tutors to bring up the children.
There is an increase in a modified type of this model, as some families with large incomes can afford to have home based help.
Currently, grandparents often step in as care givers, with the added advantage of a more cost effective option for parents.
The socio / economic status of a country often affects the upbringing of babies and children, and how they are cared for. This can be very much out of the control of parents.
Circumstances may be that one or both parents may have to leave home to find work, and children may be brought up by extended family.
Research suggests that as long as babies are provided with food, warmth, love and security, it doesn`t really matter who provides it.
This brings me back to my thoughts.
In the U.K.today, babies and young children should really be in a unique position, as despite the current economic down turn, the country has been increasing in wealth and comfort since World War 2.
There is no doubt that the arrival of a new baby will have had an unprecedented amount of input, attention, love and money lavished upon it.
Books and videos on pregnancy and child care will have been pored over, baby clothes and accessories will have been purchased, pre natal care will have been given and everything will be focused on the birth.
Following on from the wonderful event, there will be a concentration of input from parent or parents, family and friends and the world will revolve around this little new being.
There is so much to learn, and so much advice. Babies generate an enormous amount of work and it is usually a steep learning curve for both baby and care giver as they negotiate this new world.
Babies are fascinating, and as they grow, they reach various mile stones, and provide great pleasure for all concerned.
They still like and thrive on the basics of food, warmth and safety, but as babies turn into toddlers, they reach a new plateau of independence and interest.
They are now mobile and their curiosity knows no bounds.
At this point I am going to now drop in my reason for writing this blog.
At the age of nine months to a year, a baby/toddler is at such an incredible age.
Most of the very "baby" stages will have passed, and this little person is now able to master and show off new skills.
This is a stage of "firsts", to be enjoyed and marvelled at, and is part of the benefit of having a child in the first place.
It is a stage which most parents love and to share in the accomplishments of their little creation.
However, the baby/toddler, who still mainly depends on it`s mother for the basics of life and is providing such an interesting example of growth and development, may suddenly have to move away from its home environment for most of the day, and be cared for by strangers along with many other children. In other words, nursery beckons.
The reason for this is not that the parent is unable to look after the child, or doesn`t want to, but because society says we must have an economy which includes a large work force which should include the mothers of babies and toddlers.
Of course many mothers will have no dilemma, as working is a much preferred option.
However, many are caught in a "catch 22" situation. Without earning money, they can`t have or pay for the enormous amount of things that it is thought a child requires, not to mention other essentials.
They also worry about missing out on career development and advancement and not being in the employment loop.
I have met many young mums who given the chance, would prefer to stay at home for much longer in order to see their little miracles develop and flourish. However, they feel they don`t have a choice. The work pull is strong.
They are caught in a trap of guilt, anxiety and the exhaustion of working and fitting in child care where space allows, all because the government encourages them to do so.
From being the centre of attention the toddler is now in a different environment, with stressed parents, and being fitted in between the all important work schedule.
In general terms, there will probably always be a workplace, but there won`t always be a chance to watch that long awaited and much loved baby achieve so many "firsts".
In order to compensate, parents often shower their children with expensive toys and holidays to try and make up for their absence on the child care front.
It takes time for a child and parents to get to know each other, and as the main care givers will become role models as the child further develops, it is important that these role models don`t become more significant than the parents.
Nurseries of course do a fantastic job, and help to build confidence and social skills.They also provide a friendly, happy environment which addresses the needs of children, and do an excellent job of preparing them for school.
I also understand that parenting is not a bed of roses and there are many times when work would seem a welcome oasis to the daily and nightly routine of looking after a baby. Home alone with a toddler can also be an isolating experience.
Work is needed to not only pay bills and buy things, but to make use of education and expand careers, creativity and independence as individuals.
However I think it is a great pity that families feel almost forced to make the choice of work over looking after their child at such a young age.
Perhaps the whole work, child care issue needs much further reform?
Since Covid, working practices have already evolved. A four day week is also under discussion.
More creative ways of integrating work and childcare could be introduced to allow for more parental input, and work place nursery provision increased. Mothers could be encouraged to take further study at home which would benefit career prospects on their return to work.
Other countries try different models to suit their needs, but few if any are perfect.
Finally, is it not time to ditch the current view of mothers who choose to remain at home for at least part of their children`s upbringing? They are often looked on as lazy second class citizens for opting out of the work force. Surely nothing could be better than getting to know your child and be part of their growing up journey which will influence them as adults of the future?
Looking back over the lifetime of an individual, it is quite a sobering thought that perhaps the longest that a parent will have that child all to themselves, is the time from birth until they go to nursery, and that could be as young as nine months.Thereafter, others take over the majority of care until the child leaves home.
Make no mistake, that baby will be a teenager in record time, so there should be plenty of "first" memory pictures of mastering their incredible milestones along the way, and not all of Disney World!
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